Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
