I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
