I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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