I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
