He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
