More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
