I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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