He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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