I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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