haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
