I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
