This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
