id be glad to
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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