Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
