Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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