Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
