I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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