You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
