She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
