i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
