meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
