You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
