Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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