Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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