im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
