eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
