Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
