She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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