you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
