I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
