so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
