But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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