You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize