ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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