what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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