I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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