you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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