Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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