Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please, let me fuck your mom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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