so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
