They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
