i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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