Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
