I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
