I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
