there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
