sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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