Me. At least after what I've been through.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
