hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
