I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
