just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
