I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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