Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm like, not good at living.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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