Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wear drunk well.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I love you.
Bad choice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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