It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
