broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My ass is underappreciated
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
as a side note pls kill me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
