Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
