i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize