so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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