I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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