Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
