Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
