he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
