No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
