I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
