saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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